Therapy for Low Self-Esteem

Woman looking at herself through eyes cut out facing back at her

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. It is a measure of personal value which does not rely on outside opinions. People with healthy self-esteem have little need for external validation or the approval of others. They are comfortable with the choices they make and enjoy personal satisfaction in life.

Each of us lacks confidence on occasion, but if we have low self-esteem we are often left unsatisfied, unhappy or may even hate ourselves.

Self-esteem involves respecting yourself, loving yourself, putting yourself first, and meeting your own needs. And this is not something that is based on our level of success or fame – it comes from within. Notice how Actor/Singer Jennifer Lopez described her own struggle with self-esteem while at the pinnacle of her success in the following video.

As this video demonstrates, self-esteem does not come from how others view us, but instead from how we view ourselves. But how can we improve our self-esteem?

How to Improve Self-Esteem

While some people with low self-esteem find they can boost their self-esteem for a short time themselves, many find that the effects are not lasting. Why?

The answers usually lay in deeply rooted events of our past. Many grow up with either an inflated sense of self or a poor self image. Many of us wrongly learn that if we only find the “right job,” make “enough” money, or find our “soul mate,” happiness will be ours. Yet, this often fails to be the case because really, inner joy is derived from personal self-worth…our own self-esteem, not from external events.

Therapy can help find the erroneous beliefs that hold us back from enjoying healthy self-esteem. It allows us to see ourselves as we really are. Think of it like this.

If someone relied on a broken mirror to help guide their grooming and appearance, they would be hindered in their efforts. That busted up, cracked mirror, presenting multiple partial views would not be useful; it would even be counter-productive.

In a similar way, if we rely on others to assess our value, we would only get partial, imperfect views of ourselves. We would not get a clear, complete image and as a result, we would be unable to properly assess our self-worth.

Infographic showing self-esteem stats among Teens

Do You Suffer from Low Self-Esteem?

If you did not believe you suffer from low self-esteem, odds are you would not be reading this article. The fact is, nearly three-quarters of the population struggles with low self-worth at some point in life. You are not alone.

But, you CAN change your self-esteem. You CAN learn to value yourself and find the joy that comes from healthy self-esteem. So, do you suffer from low self-esteem? Ask yourself:

Are you constantly criticizing yourself?

Self-criticism as well as a sensitivity to criticism are strong signs of low self-esteem. Many sufferers find themselves in a pattern of beating themselves up over anything and everything, even in the face of success. We all criticize ourselves from time to time, but if the criticism is constant, you may need professional counseling to break out of such self-destructive patterns.

Are persistent negative feelings resulting in depression, anxiety, anger, guilt or shame?

If depression or any of these other feelings constantly hound you despite your best efforts to set them aside, it could be a matter of low self-esteem. Although depression is not necessarily the result of low self-esteem, there could be a link. Learning why these feelings continue and how to overcome their grip on you will help you make the changes you desire.

How are your interpersonal relationships?

People with low self-esteem often face relationship problems. The reasons for these problems range from an inability to accept even constructive criticism to struggles with depression, anger or unresolved guilt/shame. Often, there is an oppressive and overwhelming feeling that their partner is just “too good for me.” This then leads to actions which push the partner away as if creating a self-fulfilling destiny.

Does a lack of confidence cause you to tolerate unreasonable behavior from partners, co-workers, or friends?

If our sense of personal value is low, it can allow us to tolerate behavior we personally find offensive or wrong. In fact, in many instances of spousal abuse, both the abuser and the abused suffer from low self-esteem. If you ever ask about others, “Why do I put up with that?” you may well suffer from low self-esteem.

Are you promiscuous?

Low self-esteem can have an impact on sexuality, causing people to either become asexual or hypersexual. In the latter case, people lacking a strong sense of personal value tend to overcompensate, mistaking sex for love and acceptance. But any sense of personal worth gained from the act quickly dissipates, leaving a person feeling worse than before. Some even become addicted to the emotional ups and downs of their behavior, suffering the same as if they were addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Do you feel the need to earn love and friendship?

Love cannot be earned. It is something that is freely given because others see our worth, our value. For those who suffer from low self-esteem, their lives can become a never ending quest to earn the love and friendship they are unable to give themselves. Many become disillusioned when their love is not returned in kind and give up on the friendship, turning to another in the hopes that they can earn their love and friendship. This, as with sex, can easily turn into a painful form of addiction.

Are you a perfectionist?

People who are perfectionists frequently suffer from low self-esteem. In fact, the same forces which drive sexual promiscuity or attempts to earn friendships motivate sufferers to strive for perfection. They may tell themselves that no one is perfect, but that does not stop them from pushing themselves to impossible heights.

Doubt your abilities or worth and avoid challenges?

Self-doubt could indicate low self-esteem, but not necessarily. Much depends on the degree and the reason for the self-doubt. In fact, we all engage in self-doubt from time to time, especially when we face a new or difficult task. Too, some people just do not like a challenge and this may not in itself be a sign of low self-esteem. Some modesty and humility is normal; excessive self-doubt may be a sign that professional counseling is needed.

Are you keeping up with self care or do you neglect or abuse yourself, for example with alcohol, drugs, or food?

Neglect or abuse is often tied to low self-esteem. This is especially so if the neglect or abuse is directed at oneself. And while we often fail to see it as such, abuse of substances or even activities is an abuse of self. Those with eating disorders or other addictions usually place a low value on themselves. The neglect and/or abuse eventually takes a serious toll on relationships and their mental and physical health.

Are you having suicidal thoughts?

Many with suicidal thoughts suffer from low self-esteem. In fact, numerous studies have shown that people with low self-esteem have a higher than normal risk of suicide. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please, call a skilled counselor right now.

Two options open to you right now are the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 and Wendi Lev (312) 899-1120. Either way, call one of us. We care. Please. Let us help.

Positive traits word cloud in the shape of a victorious man

How I Help with Self-Esteem

If you believe you need help growing your self-esteem, congratulations, you have already taken the first step to healing. Just accepting that you need help in overcoming whatever prevents you from seeing your own worth takes courage.

I have helped hundreds of clients for more than a decade learn to overcome low self-esteem. In that time, I have aided teens, successful professionals, homemakers and others to learn why they struggle with low self worth, joyfully watching them lift their heads and their hearts in victory against this debilitating condition.

Meeting in a safe environment which is conducive for honest dialogue, my clients soon learn they can make the changes they seek.

You’ve taken the first step. Now let’s take the next few steps together. Call now (312) 899-1120.

Wendi Lev

LCSW, ACSW, CADC

ARE YOU AMONG THE 85% OF PEOPLE WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

Contact me today if you are seeking a committed advocate to help you navigate a difficult transition, clear a path toward a more balanced and fulfilling life, and gain tools for relieving emotional pain and making a lasting transformation. I am committed to helping you overcome your challenges, whatever they may be. Your best life is waiting to be lived with authenticity and wellness

CONTACT ME

Get Started Today by Calling (312) 899-1120

Therapy for Low Self-Esteem

What is Self-Esteem?

How to Improve Self-Esteem

Do You Suffer from Low Self-Esteem?

How I Help with Self-Esteem